


Runaway

by sweetrosei



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Canon Compliant, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-16 00:52:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5806951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetrosei/pseuds/sweetrosei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seijuro breaks after the winter cup. All he wants to do now is disappear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This is set after the main manga and before Extra Game. 
> 
> Trigger warning for the whole fic: This fic deals with mental health including anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and suicidal thoughts. At least one of these is going to appear in every chapter, right from the start. Please bear that in mind if you are sensitive to any of these topics.

It felt like he was being stabbed in the chest over and over. He had to fight to breathe and he was losing. Seijuro clenched his hands into tight fists as he tried to force himself to calm down. He knew what was happening, knew it was a panic attack, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with. He tried to force himself to take slower, deeper breaths but that only resulted in him getting a few decent breaths before he started gasping again. If only he could breathe properly, then he’d stop shaking and stop crying so much. He fell to his knees as he continued his struggle, determined not to give up and trying to force his breaths to match his counting. Every time he thought he was getting somewhere, he’d remember what happened and he’d be gasping all over again.

It wasn’t until 40 minutes later, when he’d run finally out of tears and exhausted himself, that he felt calm enough to stand up. In reality he wasn’t calm at all, but at least his head wasn’t full of noise anymore and he could breathe. Little steps.

Seijuro knew he must look a mess but that was the least of his concerns right now. He sniffed before leaving the closet he’d fled into and headed towards the nearest bathroom. Thankfully, it was empty and he was able to quickly wash his face in peace. He was still in the stadium, but it had to be at least an hour after the final against Seirin had concluded, so most people would have left by now.

Seijuro avoided looking at his reflection as much as possible, not comfortable with the thought of seeing himself right now. He’d managed to hold it together, at least partially, for a little while as the team looked after each other in the locker room. Then the fact that he’d have to talk to his father about this had hit him like a train. He didn’t think his escape had been very subtle as he’d stumbled out of there but all he knew at the time was that he needed to be _anywhere_ else.

The match had been exhausting for him. Everything had been building and building until it snapped and crashed to the ground in a million pieces. He was glad that he had control over the other part of himself again, but with that came another mess of anxiety to add to his already toppled pile. Back in the match, he thought he’d be okay as they continued playing and he had the support of the Rakuzan team, but then he heard the words that made his heart crack all over again. Everyone was cheering for Seirin. Not just the general crowd, he didn’t care about them, but his friends from Teiko. They were all cheering for Seirin to win, to beat _him_ specifically. He knew he hadn’t been especially nice to them lately but it still felt like a knife to the back. There was no hesitation or wishing the best for both of them in their voices. They all wanted him to suffer. He didn’t expect them to fully understand his mental health but they knew something had happened to him and they knew how important winning was to him. They knew how his father would react. Yet, they still wanted him to lose without a second thought.

Then they did lose and in an awful way. They lost by one point because of a foul. There was no worse way to do it. He tried to keep control as they lined up, to be strong for the team and not embarrass himself any more than he already had. The hand Reo had on his back helped a lot too. He managed to say the right things and make it back to the dressing room. He thought he was going to break there but he didn’t. He was numb as he helped the others. At the time, Seijuro thought maybe he wasn’t as anxious as he’d expected, but now he realised that he was just so scared that he didn’t know how to deal with it. Then he’d gotten a text from his phone company, which he’d thought might have been his father, and everything went wrong.

Stepping out of the bathroom, he tried to work out where to go next. He had no idea how to face his father. Only those who excelled at everything could be members of the Seijuro household. He’d already failed. He’d not only lost the cup, but his old friends and his health too. He was a mess and far from the excellent Akashi he was supposed to be.

The panic started rising again and Seijuro started running. He wanted to run out of the stadium and not have to face the team again, but his phone and wallet were in his bag and he couldn’t go anywhere without them. He forced himself to slow to a jog and then to a walk as he made his way to the dressing room. Everyone looked up as he came in but didn’t say anything. Reo was the only one who kept looking at him, their face full of concern. He had no idea if his trauma was obvious.

Reo came over as Seijuro put the last of his things into his bag and zipped it up. Seijuro didn’t even bother to change, just shoved on a jacket over the top. It was unlike him, but he didn’t want to spend that extra time there.

“Are you okay, Sei-chan?” Reo asked, looking even more concerned than before.

“My father wishes to speak to me.” Seijuro replied without thinking. It was quite a good lie really, since the team had worked out long ago how strict Seijuro’s household is. It would make sense that his father would want to see him now and it explained why Seijuro looked as rough as he probably did.

“Okay. Call me if you need to, Sei-chan.” Reo offered as Seijuro walked away.

Seijuro made it a few metres round the corner before he broke into a run again. He ran straight out into the cold and past everyone. He made it out of the gates and onto the street before he started slowing down, but even then he didn’t stop. He didn’t stop until he realised he didn’t know where to go. He should go home to his father or to the hotel with the team, he knew that, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t face them right now.

Seijuro stood under a tree, subconsciously trying to hide from anyone passing by, and pulled out his phone. He needed somewhere to stay. He had his cards, so money wasn’t an issue. The problem would be finding a hotel that had a room and would let him book one so suddenly. He found the number for the first cheap hotel chain he could think of. He didn’t want to spend a lot of money when he didn’t know what he was doing and he didn’t want to go someplace where he might bump into someone who knew his father – even if the chance was slim. The closest hotel didn’t have a room but there was one a 20 minute drive away that had one. He reserved it and hung up, immediately switching to look for trustworthy taxi numbers. He wasn’t sure if it was luck or not, but he walked as he looked and ended up finding one at a crossing a few streets down. He hailed it and jumped in, giving the address of the hotel and being explicit that it wasn’t the closest one. He always carried enough cash for ‘emergencies’ so he was fine when it came to payment. He paid and got out, heading straight inside the hotel. Check in was no hassle thanks to his father’s card and he got up into his room with no more fuss. If only everything else was that easy.

Once he was inside his room, he lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. What was he doing? He’d kept his calm through the entire journey and in the elevator. Now he was in his room, it started hitting him that he had no idea what he was doing. He’d run and hid in a hotel with no intention of going home tonight. Was he running away?

He couldn’t bear the thought of talking to anyone about this right now. He couldn’t even bring himself to text anyone to say where he was. All he wanted to do was hide and forget all the pain coursing through him.

After a long period of internal debate, he came to the conclusion that it was fine. He hadn’t messed up things much more by running to the hotel. His team would just assume he was at his family home and his father would think he was with the team. The Teiko group no doubt wouldn’t think of him at all.

Seijuro let out a frustrated sigh as he rolled over. He didn’t know how long he’d lain there now but it was getting late and he was beyond exhausted. He knew his thoughts were slipping into dangerous territory and he needed to stop soon or something even worse could happen. He managed to get himself up and into the shower, finally changing out of his match uniform.

The hotel had provided some free bottles of shampoo and body wash, but of course there was no toothbrush. He would have to go without tonight and buy one tomorrow. 

Sleep didn’t come easily. He couldn’t shake the voices in his head. His ‘other’ voice was quiet compared to the sound of the miracles cheering for Seirin, his Rakuzan teammates heartbroken comments, and his father’s harsh words about achieving nothing but success.

_‘Defeat them! Akashi and Rakuzan!’_

_‘We tried our best… but…’_

_‘Failure is not acceptable.’_

Seijuro sniffed as his tears ran into the pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

When Seijuro awoke, it took him a few seconds to work out where he was and what was going on. The day before came rushing back and he groaned as he pulled the covers up over his head. The pain of yesterday was still fresh. He knew he’d have to go back soon, to school or home, but the thought filled him with nausea and fear. Pushing away the idea before it got too much, he decided to focus on little steps. Right now, he was hungry and he hadn’t booked breakfast with the hotel. Even if they still had places, he didn’t feel like eating in the hotel’s restaurant with people around him, so he settled on finding a nearby shop instead. He could buy a toothbrush and toothpaste at the same time. He’d clean himself up and then maybe he’d feel a little bit better. 

He brought the food (breakfast bars and juice) and toiletries back to his room. There were a few more hours until he needed to decide whether to checkout or book another night. He tried to keep his mind on simple things and not think about the fact that he didn’t have a single message from anyone.

Seijuro busied himself with brushing his teeth (taking extra care to make up for missing last night), having a shower, then changing into yesterday’s casual clothes from his gym bag. He always had a spare pair of underwear to change into after practice, which he was extra glad for today. Once he was changed, he fixed his hair while trying not to look at his face. The thought of looking at himself still made him feel sick.

10am came around and he only had an hour left to decide whether he was checking out of the hotel or asking for another night. By 10.20 he’d convinced himself it was worth booking another night ‘just in case’. By 10.35 he had the room for two more nights.

Seijuro forced himself outside again to buy lunch and other essentials he might need. He kept telling himself he’d go home before the end of the day but deep down he knew he wouldn’t. The thought was utterly terrifying. He couldn’t face them. He couldn’t face anyone. His stomach felt like it would never stop bubbling and he was in a constant state of flux between headaches, dizziness, and overheating. This was the worst his anxiety had been in a long time and he knew he couldn’t bear it for long.

He spent the rest of the day feeling sick, his anxiety eternally through the roof, and only getting temporary relief when he managed to distract himself for a few minutes before everything came rushing back. He tried reading on his phone but couldn’t stay focused. He tried watching shows but they weren’t enough to keep his attention for long. He was completely restless. He couldn’t focus on anything for more than a minute while his gut continued twisting and he felt like he’d throw up or pass out any moment. He thought about going for a run to try and work some off the stress off but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was restless but exhausted and it all seemed pointless. Nothing he did could get his anxiety under control. It didn’t help that he’d randomly remember the event that had set this off in the first place. He ended up spending the afternoon switching between desperate attempts to distract himself, and wallowing in self-hatred.

It was a little after 6.30pm, while he was forcing himself to eat some room-service food, that he finally got a text.

> Reo: _I hope things went okay with your father. The team is meeting up for a meal tomorrow, if you want to join us._

Seijuro didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t even _want_ to respond. None of what had happened was Reo’s fault, but Seijuro felt too sick to talk to anyone right now. If his nausea got any worse he thought he wasn’t going to be able to breathe again. He put his phone aside, planning to reply whenever he felt like he could.

The rest of the evening was spent much the same as the day. He was still too restless to concentrate on anything and couldn’t shake his painful thoughts. By 9pm he had a tension headache so bad that he had no choice but to go to bed. Everything hurt so much, physically and mentally, and he just wanted to sleep and not have to think. He curled up under his sheets and tried not to get his pillow too wet this time.

~ * ~

Reo checked their phone every half hour or so. It had been 3 days since they’d last seen Seijuro. None of the rest of the Rakuzan team had heard anything from him either. They’d guessed that things hadn’t gone well with his father after the match, but even so, it was unlike Seijuro to not reply at all. Usually if he was in a bad mood, he made it clear with a simple short response. The fact that Reo had heard nothing at all scared them. Just how badly had his father reacted?

All Reo could do was keep sending texts. They’d tried calling a few times but it just rang through to voicemail so they stuck to texting. Reo text him updates about practice and other things. They tried to subtly ask when Seijuro was coming back but they got no response at all.

By the next evening, the fourth day since they’d heard from Seijuro, the rest of the team were just as worried as Reo. Seijuro had disappeared and no one had heard a thing. After a little searching, Reo managed to find Seijuro’s home number and called. If they could just hear _something_ from him, they could stop worrying. A maid answered the phone.

“Good afternoon. My name is Mibuchi Reo, I am one of Sei-c-.. Akashi Seijuro’s friends. I would like to speak to him, if he is available.” Reo bit their lip as they waited nervously.

“I’m sorry Mibuchi-san, the young master is not home. He is attending school in Kyoto.” The sweet voice replied.

Reo frowned and felt their stomach drop. Seijuro wasn’t at school. “I see. He’s in Kyoto now? Do you know when he returned to Kyoto? I understand he went home to see his father last week.” Maybe he’d only just come back and Reo hadn’t seen him yet.

“The young master has not been home for several weeks-“

“What?!” Reo cut her off. “He didn’t go home last week?”

“No, sir.” If the maid was surprised by Reo’s outburst, she hid it well.

“I… I see. Thank you.” Reo ended the call and sat on their bed, worry eating at their stomach. Seijuro had lied about going to see his father. His maids thought he was in Kyoto but Reo knew he wasn’t. Should they call back and tell them? His father ought to know but Reo didn’t want to get him in more trouble. They needed to know where Seijuro was.

He picked up his phone and rang Seijuro’s mobile. It went through to voicemail.

“Sei-chan. Where are you? I’m worried about you. I called your home in Tokyo but they said you hadn’t been by? I’m worried about you. Please come back to Kyoto. Or at least call me.” Reo was about to hang up there but hesitated before adding one more thing before ending the call. “We miss you.”

Next Reo instant messaged the rest of the team.

> Reo: _I called Sei-chan’s home and he hasn’t been there. They think he’s at Rakuzan. I have no idea where he is. We should do something._
> 
> Kotaro: _What? He didn’t go there?_
> 
> Reo: _No, he hadn’t been there in weeks._
> 
> Kotaro: _Are you saying he’s missing??_
> 
> Eikichi: _Did you tell his father he hasn’t come back to school?_
> 
> Reo: _No. A maid picked up and I panicked. What if he ran away because he’s scared of his father? I don’t want to get him in more trouble_.
> 
> Eikichi: _We should tell the police. This is serious_.
> 
> Kotaro: _What should we do??_
> 
> Reo: _Maybe we should all call him and leave messages telling him we’re worried and how much we love and miss him? He might come back when he knows we care?_

Reo was thinking about mentioning calling the police in his message for Seijuro too. If it wasn’t serious enough to involve the police, Seijuro would let them know. Chihiro beat them to saying it though.

> Chihiro: _If he doesn’t respond by 4pm tomorrow, I’m calling the police_

No one argued with Chihiro’s decision.

> Reo: _I agree. Perhaps you or I could mention it in our messages? And the others just say nice things?_
> 
> Chihiro: _I’ll do it_.

The chat room went silent for ten minutes as everyone left messages.

> Eikichi: _Done. Did he have money on him?_
> 
> Reo: _He probably had some. He’ll at least have his father’s cards?_
> 
> Kotaro: _Couldn’t his father check his accounts? See if he’s been spending money? Maybe on a hotel or something?_
> 
> Reo: _But then we’d have to tell him we can’t find Sei-chan. We don’t know how bad things really are between them. Sei-chan never talks about it. What if something worse happens?_
> 
> Reo: _Some of his old friends live in Tokyo. I’ll try and contact them_.

Reo logged into all their social media accounts and started looking for Seijuro’s middle school friends. They knew they didn’t talk much anymore but perhaps Seijuro might have gone to one of them if they were nearby? Some of them had to be in Tokyo still.

Ryouta and Shintarou were the easiest to find. Reo found Daiki too but the account hadn’t been active in months, so they figured that was a waste of time. They couldn’t find Tetsuya or Atsushi anywhere.

Reo sent messages to Ryouta and Shintarou.

> Reo: _Good evening. I was wondering if you’ve heard anything from Akashi recently. Since the Winter Cup?_

Reo didn’t want to panic them, so they kept out the details, but they hoped they would reply soon.

Ryouta replied within a few minutes.

> Ryouta: _Nope! Haven’t spoken to Akashi-cchi since the beginning of the cup. Is something up?_
> 
> Reo: _Everything is fine. Could you let me know if he does contact you? Is there anyone else he may talk to? Especially in Tokyo?_

Reo’s laptop beeped as another message came in from Shintarou.

> Shintarou: _Good evening, Mibuchi-san. I haven’t spoken to Akashi since our meeting at the start of the cup. Is there a problem?_
> 
> Reo: _There’s no problem. Could you please let me know if he does contact you?_
> 
> Shintarou: _Of course._

Ryouta had replied again, so Reo turned their attention back to that conversation. He seemed more talkative than Shintarou.

> Ryouta: _Okay! Have you talked to Kuroko-cchi, Aomine-cchi and Midorima-cchi? They’re all in Tokyo. Murasakibara-cchi’s back in Akita already_.
> 
> Reo: _I have messaged Midorima-san but I couldn’t find the others’ profiles. Do you have a way I can contact them?_

Ryouta sent Reo Tetsuya and Atsushi’s profiles and told him he’d text Daiki and Satsuki. A few minutes later, Ryouta confirmed that neither Daiki nor Satsuki had heard anything from Seijuro, and Tetsuya said the same. The only one Reo hadn’t heard back from was Atsushi, but Ryouta had said the reply would probably be slow.

> Ryouta: _Are you sure everything’s okay? Is Akashi-cchi okay?_

Reo hesitated, not sure what to say. On the one hand, having more people looking for Seijuro would be good, especially if he was still in Tokyo, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to worry more people and he didn’t want to stress Seijuro out more.

> Ryouta: _Is he upset about losing to Seirin? And avoiding us?_

Reo started typing his reply, that no, he didn’t think it was that, but Ryouta replied again.

> Ryouta: _I’ll call him_
> 
> Reo: _No!_
> 
> Reo panicked. He didn’t want to scare Seijuro away with yet more voicemail messages.
> 
> Ryouta: _???_
> 
> Reo: _You have to promise not to tell anyone, if I tell you. Please._
> 
> Ryouta: _I promise._
> 
> Reo: _We don’t know where he is. We haven’t seen him since the final and he’s not at Rakuzan or his family home_
> 
> Ryouta: _What do you mean? He’s disappeared? Are you saying he’s run away??_
> 
> Reo: _Possibly. We don’t know. We keep calling him. If he doesn’t call us back by a set time tomorrow, we’re calling the police_.
> 
> Ryouta: _omg. It’s that serious?? I should tell the others! We can all look for him._
> 
> Reo: _I don’t want to scare him away from returning. Too much attention might overwhelm him right now_
> 
> Ryouta: _But isn’t it important that Akashi-cchi knows we care? And he can stay with us?_
> 
> Reo: _Please don’t be offende, but I think if he wanted to stay with one of you he would have by now. He doesn’t seem to want to talk to any of us._

A new conversation beeped, consisting of Shintarou, Ryouta, Tetsuya, Satsuki, (the still inactive) Atsushi, and Reo.

> Shintarou: _Is it true Akashi is missing? My family have private security, we will search for him._

_Shit_. That wasn’t what Reo had intended. Then again, maybe it was the right thing. In truth, he did want as many people as possible searching for Seijuro, but something in his gut told him that involving the police would just scare Seijuro away even more if he found out. If they kept it quiet, maybe he’d contact them. They needed to know Seijuro was okay as soon as possible.

> Reo: _If he doesn’t call by 4pm tomorrow we’re calling the police. You can call your security then. Please give him a chance to contact us first._
> 
> Satsuki: _Why would Akashi-kun run away? Was it because of the match?_
> 
> Ryouta: _I’m sorry Mibuchi-cchi, I had to tell them_
> 
> Shintarou: _You’re assuming he’s willingly hiding and has not been kidnapped or injured. This cannot wait._
> 
> Ryouta: _Kidnap?!_
> 
> Shintarou: _I cannot risk his life being in danger just because of a feeling you have._

The idea of private security looking for Seijuro felt better than police. At least with private security they’d have… privacy. Seijuro wouldn’t have to deal with it being too big a mess. If this got into the news and he really had run away, it would be bad.  

> Tetsuya: _We should call his father and the police_
> 
> Satsuki: _Akashi-kun’s father is scary… what if we call Akashi-kun to say he can stay with us?_
> 
> Reo: _Please don’t call his father. We don’t know what he’s hiding from. Would you be willing to have your private security look for him but try not to scare him away?_
> 
> Shintarou: _I will have my security start looking now but will keep it quiet. If they find him in a safe location, they will not approach until after 4pm._
> 
> Reo: _Thank you. I will call him and leave a message letting him know he can stay with you. I don’t want to overwhelm him with too many calls._  

Reo hesitated before calling and leaving one last voicemail message for Seijuro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for all the lovely kudos and comments on the first chapter!   
> Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. I was hoping to update every 1-2 weeks but things have become super busy here lately. I'll try and stick to 1-2 week updates but it might be late if things get too busy again.  
> Comments and kudos are super encouraging and I love hearing what you think! I hope you like this chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

“I miss you, please come home.”

Seijuro trembled as he listened to Reo’s latest message. When he’d checked his inbox that evening, he had 7 messages. In their first message, Reo had sounded worried but in control. Eikichi had been calm but clearly concerned, while Kotaro begged Seijuro to come back. Reo’s voice was shaky at the start of their second message and they were in tears by the end of it. It hurt to listen to, but Seijuro still didn’t know what to do. He was too afraid to go home and he didn’t want to go back to the life he’d been leading. As soon as he thought about returning, his anxiety flared up and he felt too sick to do anything but curl up and shake.

He had three more message to listen to. He guessed it would be Reo again and perhaps Chihiro, to complete the Rakuzan set.

Chihiro was neither calm nor gentle like the others. He was angry and didn’t hide it.

“What the fuck are you doing?! Where are you? Reo’s freaking out over here and everyone else is worried too!”

There was a silent pause, interrupted by a muffled growl before Chihiro spoke again, sounding a little calmer.

“Okay. I don’t know what you’re doing, but you can’t just disappear like this. If you don’t talk to us by 4pm tomorrow, I’m reporting you missing to the police. I’m not going to risk something bad happening to you. You don’t have to come back home or go back to Tokyo right now if you don’t want to, but let us know you’re okay. Just let us know you’re alive. If you need money or somewhere to stay or anything, let us know. We’ll help and we won’t force you to come back if you don’t want to. We just need to know you’re okay.” There was another pause. “We need to hear your voice too. Hayama’s got it in his head that you’ve been kidnapped. I know you probably don’t want to speak to us, but I promise if you call me I’ll let it go through to voice mail. Just leave us something to know you’re okay. If you want to talk, call one of the others or text me first.”

There was a longer pause, and Seijuro thought the message had ended, but he heard Chihiro’s voice again, much softer than before. “Please be okay.”

The second to last message was Reo again, as expected.

“Sei-chan… I’m sorry for calling again. I know you probably want space but I… I spoke to your Teiko friends. All I did was ask if they’d talked to you recently but they worked out that know we don’t know where you are. They promised not to say anything to anyone until after 4pm tomorrow, like Chihiro said. They want you to know you’re welcome to stay with any of them though. Please don’t be afraid to talk to us. We just want to help.”

Seijuro’s heart rate sped up rapidly at the mention of his Teiko ‘friends’. They knew he was missing. They knew he’d run away after being humiliated. Seijuro bet they didn’t care at all. They probably only told Reo he could stay with them so they didn’t look cold. They were probably laughing at how badly his loss had affected him. They got what they wanted after all; Tetsuya beat him and his team. That’s all they wanted.

It was half an hour before Seijuro remembered he had one more message. He expected it to be Reo or Chihiro again. He didn’t expect it to be a low tired voice.

“Aka-chin… I miss you. They said you’re missing. Come to me, okay? I know Akita’s far away and cold but… I have snacks… and blankets… Kuro-chin and the others were mean at the winter cup. I’ll look after Aka-chin.”

Seijuro burst into tears as the message ended. Atsushi always sounded so innocent and sweet, even though Seijuro knew he was a lot smarter than people thought. Seijuro hadn’t even considered him though. He hadn’t heard Atsushi at all during the match, and now that he thought about it, he couldn’t imagine Atsushi doing any sort of cheering. Perhaps he shouldn’t be as mad at him as he was at the others… although, Atsushi hadn’t bothered contacting him until now either. Then again, it wasn’t like Atsushi to start mobile conversations yet he was the only one from their old team that had left him a message. Seijuro groaned and hid his face against his knees. Everything was a struggle.

~ * ~

At 11am, Reo had a message from Shintarou in the miracles’ group chat.

> Shintarou: _We found him. He’s in a hostel. Room for one. Staff who have seen him have said he seems fine. We haven’t approached. Has he called you yet?_
> 
> Reo: _Thank you. Thank you so much! He hasn’t called yet but that’s such a relief._

Reo was so relieved they could barely think of anything to say. They showed the message to the rest of their team. 

> Shintarou: _We don’t know if he’ll be there for long. We should still call the police if he doesn’t phone by 4pm. My security can tell them where he is._
> 
> Reo: _Yes. If he doesn’t call, I will tell you_.
> 
> Shintarou: _I expect to hear from you by 4.05pm_

Blimey, Shintarou really didn’t hang around.

At 3pm, the Rakuzan team were anxiously sat in Reo’s room, staring at their phones. Chihiro fully planned to go through with his word. If Seijuro didn’t want him to call the police, he’d have to say so. Even with Shintarou’s assurance that Seijuro was okay, they still needed to hear it from him.

By 3.30pm Reo was a mess and Chihiro was rehearsing what to say to the police.

3.45pm, Kotaro was holding a sobbing Reo to his chest and even Chihiro looked anxious.

3.55pm, Chihiro’s phone rang. The screen read ‘Akashi Seijuro’.

They all sat up straight, staring at the phone. Chihiro reached for it but didn’t answer. He had promised he’d let it go to voicemail and he would keep that promise, even with Reo worrying that maybe they should answer.

A few minutes later, Chihiro got a text alerting him to a new voicemail.

“Put it on speakerphone.” Reo pleaded. Chihiro considered listening to it privately first, in case Seijuro asked him not to repeat something to the others, but decided against it. If Seijuro said he didn’t want the others to know something then he’d just turn the speaker off.

Chihiro loaded the message and turned up the volume.

The message started with silence. They all leant closer, waiting to hear _anything_.

“I’m fine.” Seijuro’s voice was quiet and hesitant. He sounded like he was afraid to talk to them.

They all felt a wave of relief at hearing his voice, but it didn’t last long before they were worried again. Why was he so afraid to talk to them?

“I have money. And a room. I’m fine.” Seijuro’s voice stayed quiet and he sounded like he didn’t really want to be speaking at all.

“Leave me alone.” The call ended abruptly and they all stared at each other with wide eyes. They’d never heard Seijuro sound as distressed as he had saying those few words. He might be saying he’s fine but he clearly wasn’t. At least they knew he had somewhere to stay and money for food though. At least they knew he was _alive_.

~ * ~

Seijuro threw his phone to the bottom of the bed and curled up, burying his face in the pillow. He didn’t know why he told them to leave him alone. He was so upset about the miracles and his father not caring about him, and now he was pushing away the only people that had shown an interest.

He growled at himself as his mind filled with thoughts about how they didn’t really care about him either. He fought to get rid of those ideas, but it was hard. He doubted and hated everything right now.

Seijuro had moved out of the hotel on the third day and into a hostel instead. The hostel was nicer than he expected, and much cheaper than the hotel.

He’d been feeling sick and panicky all day due to the phone call. He knew he had to call but that didn’t make it any easier. He didn’t want the police involved, he just wanted to hide from the world. He couldn’t stop worrying about what if someone did pick up instead of it going to voicemail, what if they called him back, what if, what if, what if. He considered calling Atsushi instead, but maybe that wouldn’t be enough to stop Chihiro calling the police. His heart was racing all day and he felt so sick and out of breath that he didn’t even try to leave his room. He just sat there, staring at the phone for most of the day. He had to force himself to call before it was too late, and now it was done, he wasn’t feeling any better.

He just wanted to go home. He just wanted to be left alone. He wanted to be loved. He wanted to hide from the world.

His thoughts were a mess but all he really knew was that he didn’t want to go back to how his life was before, but he didn’t see how things could ever get better.

His anxiety grew with every minute he waited for a reply. Although he’d told them to leave him alone, he didn’t really want them to. He was desperate for them to let him know they cared. He didn’t want to have to talk to them though. Everything hurt and he didn’t know what to do.

A few minutes later, his phone beeped. It was Chihiro.

> Chihiro: _Thank you for calling. I’m glad you’re okay – Mayuzumi_

The message continued even after Chihiro had signed off his name. Apparently he’d handed his phone to the others.

> Chihiro: _We’re all so happy you’re okay! If there’s anything at all we can do to help, we will. We really miss you. – M. N. H._

A pang of emotional pain went through him as Seijuro read the message. He missed them too. He was so afraid of going home though. He couldn’t face going back to school, back to basketball, back to the pressure of being an Akashi. He wished he could run away from the pressure but still be with his friends. If only.

~ * ~

Group chat with _Mibuchi Reo, Midorima Shintarou, Kise Ryouta, Kuroko Tetsuya, Momoi Satsuki,_ and _Murasakibara Atsushi._

> Reo: _Sei-chan called. He said he’s okay and he has a room and money._
> 
> Ryouta: _That’s great!_
> 
> Satsuki: _Thank goodness_
> 
> Shintarou: _Did he sound okay?_
> 
> Reo took too long to reply.
> 
> Shintarou: _I will have my security continue to watch over him._
> 
> Reo: _Okay. Please make sure he doesn’t notice. I think he’s scared of us._
> 
> Shintarou: _They can protect him from a distance._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting for the new chapter and reading! I always love hearing what people think~


	4. Chapter 4

Reo continued to text Seijuro every day, even though Seijuro didn’t reply. Reo text Seijuro about their day, the team, their TV shows, best wishes for Seijuro. Seijuro felt guilty every time he read one of the texts. It made him want to go back, but he was still so afraid.

Three days after Atsushi’s voicemail, Seijuro sent him a text. He was sat in bed, failing to get to sleep.

> Seijuro: _Murasakibara. Please do not tell anyone I have contacted you. I would like to talk to you but I need to know it will be completely private._

The reply came surprisingly fast. He must have caught Atsushi at the right time. Seijuro pushed away the thought that maybe Atsushi was worried enough to hurry his answer.

> Atsushi: _I promise I won’t tell anyone. Aka-chin can trust me. Is Aka-chin okay?_
> 
> Seijuro: _Thank you, Murasakibara. I am fine. Thank you for your voicemail too. I am comfortable where I am now, but the offer of accommodation was appreciated_.
> 
> Atsushi: _Aka-chin should still come to Akita. Or I could go to Aka-chin. I’ve heard company makes things better._

Seijuro seriously considered Atsushi coming to Tokyo. He didn’t want to go to Akita, it seemed a step in the wrong direction to go further away from his father and Rakuzan. Having Atsushi come to him did sound somewhat appealing though.

> Seijuro: _I will consider it. For now though, this is enough._
> 
> Atsushi: _Do you have enough food?_

Seijuro smiled. It was a standard sort of question, and Reo had asked him several times, but it sounded more amusing coming from Atsushi.

> Seijuro: _Yes. I have all the essentials I need_.
> 
> Atsushi: _I want to make Aka-chin happy again_.

He felt his stomach drop for a moment. Atsushi was being so sweet and honest again.

> Seijuro: _Thank you, Murasakibara. It’s… not something that can be done easily. I appreciate that you want to try though._
> 
> Atsushi: _What can I do?_
> 
> Seijuro: _Not tell anyone about these text but reply when I text you. Talking to you is making me feel better._
> 
> Atsushi: _Okay. I can do that. If Aka-chin wants to call too that’s okay. I can even leave class or get out of bed._
> 
> Seijuro: _You shouldn’t skip class, and sleep is important. I will try and contact you during suitable hours._
> 
> Atsushi: _Any hour is suitable when it’s Aka-chin. Aka-chin is more important than class or sleep._
> 
> Seijuro: _Thank you. I shall sleep now, however. You should too. I will text you again soon. Goodnight, Murasakibara._

Seijuro slept better that night, his anxiety temporarily relieved by the knowledge that Atsushi cared. It only lasted long enough for him to fall asleep though, and he woke up in the morning feeling just as much of a mess as before.

~ * ~

On Wednesday, Reo’s text was less pleasant.

> Reo: _Your father called me. The school called him about your absence. I told him you were ill and recovering in your room but I think he knew I was lying. Has he tried calling you? I’m sorry Sei-chan. I know this must be horrible for you. If I can help in any way, please tell me._

Two days after he’d first run away, Seijuro had added his father’s number and his home number to his phone’s blocklist. He couldn’t bear receiving calls from there, so he’d avoided them all together. He appreciated Reo trying to cover for him, but now that his father was suspicious, there was going to be trouble.

Seijuro hesitated as he looked at his phone. He needed to talk to someone about his fears concerning his father, but who? While the others did send the occasional text themselves or a message through Reo, Reo was the one who had text the most. However, Chihiro had handled the initial situation the best and had been the one to snap him out of his mess at the Winter Cup.

Chihiro was better at bluntly handling situations and dealing with the non-emotional aspects. Reo was better at the gentle and emotional side of things, although they tended to get too emotional. Chihiro had promised he would always let it ring through to voicemail though unless Seijuro text him to tell him to answer.

Seijuro decided to leave it to fate. It seemed to work for Midorima, so why not for him? He tossed a coin to find out who to call.

~ * ~

Reo was sat at their desk, watching a historical documentary when their phone rang. They picked it up without looking away from the TV but froze when they looked at their phone ready to press answer. The screen read Akashi Seijuro and there was a small picture of him that they’d taken in the locker room. Seijuro was calling them. Actually calling them. Was Reo allowed to answer? Was this supposed to be like Chihiro’s voicemails? But Chihiro had told Seijuro to call one of the others if he wanted to talk, so surely he wanted an answer.

“Sei-chan?” Reo answered, keeping their voice as gentle as possible.

There was silence on the other end. Reo waited. Eventually, a hesitant voice came from the other end.

“Reo…”

Reo let out a shaky relieved breath at the sound of the voice. Joy flooded through them at the sound.

“Sei-chan.” They let the warmth and affection show in their voice. “Is everything okay?” That was the most important next step. Seijuro had to be phoning for an important reason. Reo’s joy was replaced with building anxiety as they hoped it was nothing terrible. There was silence from the call again for another couple of minutes. Reo could hear Seijuro breathing occasionally, so they knew he was still there.

“I’m scared to come back.” Seijuro admitted, his voice small and afraid.

Reo melted and desperately wanted to hold Seijuro. “Oh, Sei-chan. Are you afraid of us? You don’t need to be afraid of us. We just want to help.” Reo made sure to keep their voice warm and caring. They didn’t want to scare Seijuro away even more. They didn’t want to sound too desperate either though – making Seijuro feel guilty wouldn’t help.

“It’s not you.” Seijuro replied, only pausing after initially speaking. Reo thought they were going to have to ask another question but then Seijuro spoke again, his words tumbling out faster and showing his distress. “I can’t handle school and I can’t face the team and my father terrifies me. I know the longer I leave it the worse it’ll be but it’s already too much and I just want… I just want to disappear.”

“Please don’t disappear.” Reo wasn’t sure exactly what Seijuro meant by ‘disappear’ but it wasn’t going to be good no matter what. “It’s okay. I know there’s a lot going on and that’s scary but we can take it a small bit at a time, okay?”

There was another pause, then Seijuro replied, sounding tired. “What’s the point?”

Reo’s heart broke a little more. “The point is eventually you will be happy again, I promise. I’m not saying it’ll be easy or quick but it will happen. Could you come back? Or at least come to Kyoto? I promise we won’t come bother you if you want to be alone. We can stick to just using phones as we have been. But it’ll be a little step forward?”

“I can’t. My father would find me.”

“We’ll protect you. I’ll help you. I told him you’re bedbound with the flu and I’m looking after you. Perhaps you could just text him to say you’re too ill to talk but I really am looking after you?”

“He would probably send someone round to check.”

“No one’s come so fa-”

“Then he doesn’t care at all.” Seijuro cut them off.

Reo cringed. That wasn’t what they meant to imply. “Maybe he believed me. The flu is a plausible reason to be away from school for so long.”

“No. He wouldn’t believe you. Even if I had the flu I would have answered one of his calls by now. That’s assuming he’s been calling. I blocked him when I left. He’s probably checked my cards too and has seen that I’ve been withdrawing money.”

Reo was embarrassed that they hadn’t considered that Seijuro’s father could just check his account and would see Reo was lying. Reo was surprised to hear about the blocking though. They didn’t realise Seijuro had blocked anyone. “Did you block any of us?” They asked before they could stop themselves. “Wait. No. I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that.”

“I didn’t. I’ve been reading your texts.”

Reo’s smile lit up. “Thank you. I’m glad. I hope they’re not a bother?”

“No. They’re… I like them.”

“I’m glad.”

The line went quiet for a few more minutes.

“So what do you think? Could you come back to your room? I promise you none of us will bother you. We’ll only talk through text and calls until you’re ready for more. The sooner you start taking little steps, the better? I’ll even bring you food and put it outside your door or something so you don’t have to face anyone.”

“I will consider it.” Seijuro replied.

“Okay. Do you need any money?” Reo wanted to do everything they could for Seijuro without being overbearing.

“No. My father hasn’t blocked my cards.”

“Alright. If you do, just let me know. I’ll find a way to get some to you.”

“Thank you. I’ll be okay though.” Seijuro sounded like he wanted to hang up, but Reo was desperate to stay on the line a bit longer. “I should g-“

“Please don’t go!” Reo blurted out, unable to stop themselves. The line was silent. “I’m sorry. If you want to go, you can. I understand. But… but if you’re okay to just… stay on the line a little longer… you wouldn’t even have to talk, I just… I miss you so much. I like knowing you’re on the other end of the call, even if you don’t want to talk.”

The line stayed silent for another minute.

“Okay.”

They stayed on the line for another hour. It was comforting to know Seijuro was on the other end of the call. Mostly, Reo just listened to Seijuro’s breathing as they both lay on their beds. Eventually, Seijuro’s breathing got a little heavier and evened out. Reo thought he’d fallen asleep. He waited another 10 minutes, in case Seijuro wasn’t asleep, before speaking quietly.

“Sei-chan?”

The breathing changed a little and there was the sound of movement.

“Reo?” Seijuro’s voice sounded sleepy.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you…”

“’s okay. I’m going to go to sleep now.”

“Okay, Sei-chan. Thank you for calling me. Sleep well.”

“Goodnight, Reo.” Seijuro sounded adorable when he was sleepy.

“Sweet dreams, Sei-chan.” Reo hesitated a second before continuing, fighting their embarrassment in favour of making sure Seijuro knew how much they cared. “I love you.”

The line was silent for a few more seconds before it clicked as Seijuro hung up. Reo didn’t mind that Seijuro hadn’t replied. They were just happy that Seijuro heard it. Reo needed him to know that they cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> I've loved reading all your comments and hearing what you think so far! They all mean a lot to me!


	5. Chapter 5

Seijuro fought with himself over what to do. He wanted to go home and be closer to Reo and the others but he didn’t want to be closer to everything that scared him. He still read everything Reo and the others sent him but he couldn’t bring himself to call Reo again or respond to their texts. He had spoken to Atsushi a couple more times but mostly about snacks and trivial things to make him feel better. It didn’t escape his notice that he had nothing from the other miracles. Every time he thought about them, he wanted to hide even more. He knew that hiding wasn’t going to affect them though; they didn’t care enough to even send him a text.

By Saturday afternoon, Seijuro was forced to make his choice. His booking with the hostel ran out on Sunday morning, so he either needed to book a few more days or go back to Kyoto on Sunday.

He forced himself not to renew the room booking and instead book a train. He shook the whole way to the station and felt so sick and dizzy that he had to sit down several times and almost missed his train. He ended up making it but only just. It was a few hours to Kyoto, so there was plenty of time for his anxiety to get worse. By the time he arrived, he was shaking all over again and so flushed and dizzy that he would definitely be able to pass for having the flu.

Once he was off the train, he got in a taxi and directed it towards the dorms. The next challenge was getting inside without being seen. He didn’t want to tell them he was back. He just wanted to slip into his room unnoticed. He wasn’t ready to stop hiding. The problem was, Reo lived in one of the rooms opposite his. Seijuro could normally hear Reo’s door when they opened and shut it, so Reo would be able to hear Seijuro’s. He had two choices; try and be as quiet as possible and potentially escape notice – but that meant spending longer in the corridor, or rush in and hope Reo didn’t come knocking.

In the end, he started being quiet, but someone came round the corner and he panicked and fled inside, slamming the door behind him.

~ * ~

Reo heard a familiar door slam and sat up straight, eyes wide. They’d gotten so used to the doors that they could tell which was which. Was that the door they thought it was? Was Seijuro back? They rushed to their peep hole but wasn’t surprised to see nothing in the hallway. They resisted the urge to go outside or call or text. Reo had promised not to overwhelm him if he did return, so, if Seijuro was back, they’d wait to hear from him. They wouldn’t wait too long though, in case Seijuro interpreted it as Reo not noticing or caring. If Seijuro hadn’t text by tonight, Reo would send a non-pressuring how-are-you-I-love-you message.

Two hours later, their phone beeped.

> Seijuro: _I’m back but please don’t come over._

Relief rushed through Reo. They were right; Seijuro had returned. They’d also been right to give him space.

> Reo: _I’m glad to hear you’re back and safe. I promise me and the others will not come over unless invited. Have you eaten? I can bring you some food and leave it outside._

There was a pause of a few minutes before Reo had a reply.

> Seijuro: _You won’t try and watch me through your door?_
> 
> Reo: _I promise I won’t. I’ll put the food in a box and leave it outside your room, then go back into mine and away from my door._
> 
> Seijuro: _Thank you_
> 
> Reo: _I’ll go get something now._

It felt good to know that Seijuro trusted them to do this.

Half an hour later, Reo had boxed up the food and left it outside Seijuro’s door as promised. They text him to let him know. A few seconds later they heard Seijuro’s door open but kept their position away from the door. They wouldn’t betray Seijuro’s trust.

> Seijuro: _Thank you_
> 
> Reo: _Any time. Leave the box outside when you’re done? It’s good to have you back. If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask. I love you._

~ * ~

After eating, Seijuro gathered the courage to call Atsushi again.  Something about Atsushi’s laid back demeanour worked wonders at calming Seijuro and clearing his mind. Atsushi’s innocent affection helped a lot too. He didn’t feel as lonely when Atsushi was talking about sharing chips or his blanket with Aka-chin only because he’s special.

Once Seijuro had calmed down enough, he thought he ought to update Atsushi on what was going on. The call started with light topics, since Seijuro had begun the conversation by asking Atsushi to just talk to him about anything and anything to take his mind off things. Atsushi had done a great job and now Seijuro was ready to handle the hard topics.

“I’m back in Kyoto.” He confessed, going silent as he waited for any kind of reaction from Atsushi.

“At school?” he asked. Seijuro had worried that Atsushi might be a little disappointed that he’d gone to Kyoto instead of Akita but he hoped Atsushi would understand that it wasn’t anything personal. Kyoto was just a bigger step forward than Akita.

“Yes. In my room. I text my team to let them know I’m here but told them not to try and talk to me. I know that’s not good and I shouldn’t hide, but something about the idea of facing them again scares me. I think I might even be ashamed…”

“Aka-chin has nothing to be ashamed of. Muro-chin always says it’s okay to be upset. Aka-chin has lots of things going on, so it’s definitely okay to be upset.”

“Thank you. I feel that it’s a little cowardly of me to keep hiding like this though.” Seijuro admitted.

“I hide from Muro-chin and the others when I don’t want to see them.”

“I think that’s a little different…”

“Aka-chin should talk to them when he’s ready.” Atsushi’s voice was friendly but firm.

“I don’t even know what I’m so afraid of. They’ve been so supportive but I still can’t face them.”

“Mm… would it help if I came there?” Atsushi offered.

Seijuro considered it. “It would be nice to see you soon but I’m not sure. I’ll think about it and let you know.”

“Okay, Aka-chin.”

They ended up going back to light topics again after that. Even though their serious conversation had only been short, it really helped. Somehow, it gave him enough energy to write down some things he could say to his team. If he felt the same way tomorrow, he’d call Reo over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! All your comments on the previous chapter have been so encouraging, thank you! I'm really happy you're all enjoying it so far. There's 7 chapters in total, so not long left now!
> 
> Also, if you're waiting for the Beyond the Waiting Room sequel; the writing is going well!


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, the team kept their promise. They’d all text Seijuro to say they were glad he was back but none had come to visit. They were giving him the space he needed. Unfortunately, despite this, Seijuro’s anxiety came back as bad as before and he ended up not calling Reo. He snuck out long enough to grab food to last him the day then spent the rest of it hiding in his room. By the time he was feeling well enough to talk to Reo, it was 11pm. Was it too late? Would Reo even be awake? Seijuro hesitated over his phone. He’d typed out a text asking Reo if they were awake but he couldn’t bring himself to hit send. The longer he hesitated over it, the more he didn’t want to send it and the more sick and anxious he felt. After half an hour of hesitating, he deleted the text and threw his phone to his side.

He curled up, laying down and hugging his knees, trying to make himself as small as he could. Everything hurt. He just wanted everything to be okay but it all hurt too much. It was hopeless. What was the point in even trying? He couldn’t ever be happy. It was never going to happen.

Seijuro sniffed as he sat up just long enough to grab the corner of his blanket and pull it over him. He heard the thud as his phone hit the floor and felt a flare of anger and disgust towards himself. He couldn’t even look after his phone properly. Why did he ever trying to do anything good?

Another half hour later, Seijuro was still curled up under his sheets, feeling awful and wishing he didn’t exist. He only uncurled when he heard his phone beep. He wasn’t expecting it to be anything good but he was curious so he reached an arm out from under his blanket and fumbled around for it before he could pull it back in. It was a text from Reo, wishing him sweet dreams.

Anger, pain, and sorrow swelled inside him. Reo was so sweet and so kind… but Seijuro didn’t think he deserved it. Part of him desperately wanted to call Reo for some comfort but another part of him didn’t want Reo to see him like this.

He fiddled with his phone as he battled himself, looking through his texts before he settled on Atsushi’s. Maybe he could text him? Atsushi might well be asleep but something about the idea of texting him even without a reply was calming, so he did. He quickly wrote out a text, desperate to send it before he changed his mind.

> Seijuro: _If you are awake, I could really do with talking right now. If not, I hope you have nice dreams._

Seijuro slid his phone under his pillow and closed his eyes. His bedroom main light was still on but he was too exhausted to get up and turn it off. Instead, he lay there, blanket over his head and eyes closed, trying to stop his mind slipping further into hell.

He was snapped out of it when his phone buzzed, making a loud sound against his mattress.

> Atsushi: _I’m awake. Call?_

Seijuro was surprised. He hadn’t expected Atsushi to actually be awake. Now that he knew he was, he wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or more anxious. He forced himself to hit the call button.

It rang once before Atsushi answered.

“Aka-chin…” Atsushi sounded even more tired than usual.

“Did I wake you?” Seijuro asked, feeling guilty.

“Yes, but I don’t mind. I said Aka-chin could wake me if he needed me.”

“Thank you, Murasakibara. I did not mean to wake you but I appreciate you answering me.”

“Aka-chin can call me Atsushi again. I don’t mind.”

Seijuro was surprised again. Where had that come from?

“I… are you sure?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, then, I shall call you Atsushi.”

“Sei-chin?” Atsushi asked. Seijuro’s heart warmed at the name.

“Yes.”

“You need my help?” Ah. Yes. The reason he had called…

“Yes… I… I want to talk to my friends, the ones here, but I… I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know what to do.” He confessed. He felt a little sick as he exposed his vulnerability, but Atsushi would never mock him for it. “I was planning to talk to Reo today but in the end I couldn’t do it. I called you instead.”

“Talking to me is easier?”

“Yes… you make me feel safe.”

“Then I’ll come to Kyoto. Make you feel safe. Then you can talk to them.”

“Atsushi…” That seemed rather extreme. Then again, Seijuro didn’t want to say no.  Maybe it really could help.

“It’s a long way from Akita to Kyoto…”

“I don’t mind. Sei-chin needs me.”

Seijuro clenched his fist and fought to hold back a sudden onset of tears at Atsushi’s kindness.

“Ats-“ he stopped, calming himself. “Perhaps…. Perhaps this weekend? I can pay for your hotel.”

“I don’t mind staying with Sei-chin, but I can go in a hotel too. I’ll come Friday night.”

“You won’t get here until late, is that okay?”

“Yes. Then you can talk to them on Saturday or Sunday and I get more time with Aka-chin. I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He meant it. “I... I think I can sleep now. Thank you, Atsushi. I look forward to seeing you this weekend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The penultimate chapter! Thank you so much for reading so far!!


	7. Chapter 7

Atsushi arrived a little after 10pm. Seijuro met him at the station and was instantly enveloped in a suffocating hug the moment Atsushi was close enough.

“Sei-chin…”

“Atsushi… would you mind letting go of me? I’m very happy to see you but I need to breathe.” Seijuro commented, a little humour in his voice. It was so good to see Atsushi again, even if his lungs were complaining.

Atsushi promptly let go and Seijuro took a step back to recover. They hopped into the taxi to Atsushi’s hotel and Seijuro followed him inside to help him get settled in. They talked about trivial things through the journey, just they did on the phone and Seijuro felt safe.

He hadn’t meant to but half an hour later they were on Atsushi’s bed, cuddled up with Seijuro’s head on Atsushi’s shoulder. Atsushi had laid down pretty soon after they’d arrived and Seijuro had sat on the edge to rest for a moment, when Atsushi had pulled him down into a cuddle. It was too comfortable to move away from and twenty minutes later his eyelids were getting heavy.

“Atsushi, I… I don’t suppose you would be comfortable with me… staying here tonight?” He asked, unsure.

Atsushi had none of Seijuro’s hesitation. “Sei-chin is more than welcome to stay. Sei-chin’s warm and soft.”

“I am?” He hadn’t been told that before. Then again, he could barely remember the last time he’d cuddled with someone. It had been his mother.

Atsushi nodded.

They quickly got ready for bed and curled up under the covers. Once again, Seijuro found himself unexpectedly in a hotel for the night without a toothbrush.

~ * ~

Seijuro slept wonderfully. He slept through the night and woke feeling more refreshed than he had in a long time. Apparently having a big purple teddy bear with him helped a lot. He really did find Atsushi relaxing.

He tried to squash his anxiety as they ate breakfast and got ready to head over to Rakuzan. Seijuro stared at his phone as he worked out how to ask his team if they were okay to see him and talk.

“Atsushi… the others… are… are they worried about me? Do they care?” Seijuro asked, referring to the other miracles.

“They all care.” Atsushi replied, nodding. “They don’t want to upset Sei-chin though so they’re keeping quiet and waiting for you to be ready.”

“Do they know you’ve been talking to me?” Seijuro asked.

“No. I kept it secret, as you said.”

“Thank you, Atsushi. I trust you.” A surge of warmth for Atsushi temporarily lessened his anxiety.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Seijuro raised another concern he had. “I don’t want to have to explain everything to my team and then again to the others. I don’t have the energy for that.” It would be too much to have to do this twice. He couldn’t tell them all at the same time though.

“Sei-chin doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to.”                                                                                   

“But it’s rude to talk to my team but not the others…” Seijuro’s anxiety started rising again.

“It was rude for them to do what they did, but they still did it.”

“That doesn’t mean I should-“

“You don’t have to talk to anyone you’re not ready to talk to.” Atsushi’s voice changed, becoming more serious and losing his childish tone. It only happened when he desperately needed the other person to know he meant what he said. “They’ll have to understand. They hurt you. You have every right to delay talking to them until you’re comfortable with it. Plus, your Rakuzan team didn’t hurt you and you’re in Kyoto right now, so it makes sense to talk to them first.”

Seijuro blinked. He always knew Atsushi was clever. They all knew there was a brilliant mind hidden beneath his childish attitude, but it was always a bit of a surprise when Atsushi showed it so clearly. It meant he was completely serious.

“Thank you, Atsushi… perhaps you’re right. Maybe, after talking to my team, I could let the others know I’ll talk to them when I’m ready. Then again… they haven’t bothered texting me at all, not like my team.”

“We were told not to. Mibu-chin told us not to in case it made you feel worse. I called you anyway…”

“You called me anyway.” Seijuro smiled. He could see Reo’s point, but at the same time, it meant so much to him that Atsushi had cared enough to call anyway. “I’m glad you did. I’m not sure the others would have called even if they hadn’t been told not to.”

“Mido-chin wanted to call his security to search for you and everyone else wanted to head out and search for you right away. They care.”

Seijuro was shocked. He had no idea they’d wanted to do that.

Atsushi nodded. “They hurt you because they’re idiots, not because they wanted to.”

“It was heartless.” Seijuro found his voice again and it held a hint of bitterness.

Atsushi nodded again. “When you’re ready, you should tell them what they did wrong so they learn and don’t do it again. Whenever I fight with my brothers, we have to tell each other that, or we do it again by accident.”

“So, you think they really do care and it was just a mistake?” Seijuro was unsure.

“A terrible mistake, yes. Aka-chin doesn’t have to forgive them until he’s ready to.”

“I see… Thank you, Atsushi. I will do as you suggest and talk to my team first. Then the others when I am ready.” He smiled warmly at Atsushi. They had been close before his change back in Teiko, it was nice to be getting that back again. In fact, he thought they were even closer now.

~ * ~

Later that day, Seijuro had messaged all of his team, telling them he would like to see them as soon as possible. It didn’t take long before everyone was saying they were free to talk now or whenever he wanted.

Thirty minutes later, Seijuro was standing behind Atsushi, who was knocking on Reo’s door. His team had gathered there, since Seijuro thought it was better not to do it in his own room so he could flee back there if he needed to. Reo opened the door and the look on their face said they didn’t expect to see a purple giant, but they quickly recovered and spotted Seijuro behind.

“Sei-chan!” Reo beamed before they could tone their voice down. “Ah, and Murasakibara-kun, right?” Reo continued smiling but a little calmer as they moved out the way to let them both in.

Seijuro followed Atsushi. Everyone was sat on the floor, since there was no way they could get enough seats for everyone in Reo’s room. Seijuro and Atsushi joined them, sitting opposite them all. He kept close to Atsushi, seeking his support and comfort.

“Sei-chan… it’s so good to see you.” Reo’s voice was soft but brutally honest. It was a mixture of joy at seeing him and pain for everything they’d been through.

The others nodded and added how they were glad to see him and missed him too.

“I’m sorry I left without saying anything.” Seijuro apologised, looking down. This was going to be hard but it had to be done. Atsushi leant back on one hand, making it look casual as he leant closer to Seijuro.

“It’s oka-… well, all that matters is that you’re okay and you’re here now.” Reo spoke softly. It wasn’t okay. They all knew it wasn’t okay that he left like that. It was nice to hear that they weren’t going to be angry with him for it though. At least, not immediately.

“Are you feeling better?” Chihiro asked. His voice was as warm as it got.

“Yes. Partly. I thought I owed you an explanation.” Seijuro tried desperately not to let his anxiety get the best of him.  It was terrifying though. He didn’t know what to tell them.

“What happened, Sei-chan? You can talk to us. You can tell us anything.” Reo encouraged.

“It… was too much. There’s…. there’s-” Seijuro let out a shaky breath and pulled his knees up to his chest, curling in on himself. _Shit_. He wasn’t ready for this after all.

Reo was leaning forward but Atsushi beat him to it, wrapping the arm he’d been leaning on around Seijuro’s shoulders instead.

“You don’t have to tell them everything if you don’t want to.” Atsushi whispered in Seijuro’s ear.

Seijuro leant closer, into Atsushi’s warmth and comfort. He stayed there for a while as he recovered his strength, before facing the others again, his legs crossed beneath him. “There was too much to handle. I… broke. And I ran. It seemed like the only thing to do.”

He wasn’t okay. He couldn’t do this. How was he supposed to look at them and tell them his deepest secrets? How could he tell them how messed up his health was? How a few chants from old friends had destroyed him? He couldn’t.

“We could have helped you. We didn’t know anything was wrong…” Hayama piped up quietly.

“No, you couldn’t have.” Seijuro replied, a little sharper than he meant.

“We would have tried.” Reo shuffled a little closer.

“It wouldn’t have worked. I didn’t… I just needed to get away.”

“From what?”

“Everything.” Seijuro leant against Atsushi again. He knew it wasn’t his normal behaviour but he didn’t care right now. He needed the support and Atsushi was happy to give him it. “My old teammates were cheering for Seirin to beat us. They wanted me to lose. Then we did. I’ve never lost before. I didn’t know how to handle it, or them, or how to tell my father. So I tried to escape.”

“Your friends cheered against you? Well that’s a dick move.” Chihiro sounded annoyed. “They’re clearly not good friends then. Forget them, you have us.”

“Wait, they care though. They wanted to look for you. Did Murasakibara-kun tell you that?” Reo asked, looking a little desperate.

“Yes. He did. I still haven’t forgiven them though.” Seijuro didn’t think it changed much.

“Aka-chin doesn’t have to.” Atsushi nodded.

“Have they apologised?” Chihiro asked, leaning forward.

“I haven’t talked to them. I wanted to talk to you first.” Seijuro replied.

“Well you definitely don’t have to forgive them if they haven’t apologised.” Chihiro’s face looked like he’d decided that was a solid conclusion.

“Thank you for talking to us, Sei-chan” Reo avoided commenting on Chihiro’s contribution. “We’re sorry we didn’t do more to help before this. I know there’s a lot happening but we want to help you any way we can. Please don’t shut us out again. If you want space, just say so, that’s fine, but don’t disappear again.”

Seijuro nodded. “I’ll try…” He let out a heavy breath. He didn’t even know what else to say. There was so much, too much. How was he supposed to explain it to them?

“We love you, we really do. We want to help. If there is anything we can do, absolutely anything at all, we will do our best.” Reo added, eager for Seijuro to believe them.

“It’s not- You can’t-.” Adrenalin was rushing through him again. It was too much. Way too much. “You can’t fix _life_. I hate everything. I hate being me. I hate being here. I hate being _alive_. What’s the point in any of this? I’m miserable at home and I’m miserable here. I’ve lost most of my friends and I almost threw away the others. I can’t do this any longer. I don’t _want_ to.”

Reo rushed forward, not holding back any longer. They pulled Seijuro into a hug, accidentally pulling Atsushi with him. Four strong warm arms wrapped around him as he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I can’t fix it.”

“You don’t need to. You don’t need to do this alone, Sei-chan. We are all here for you. I know it might be hard to believe but it’s true. We’re all here and we will help you. And we will help you get professional help too. I know it might seem scary but it will help you _so_ much and you won’t have to feel like this anymore. The world seems bleak now but it really will get better. We’ll take it little steps at a time, okay? Just little baby steps. All of us in this room are your family and we are all going to help you. We love you, Sei-chan. We really do.”

Seijuro shook his head. He believed Reo meant it but he couldn’t believe things would get better. “You don’t know it’ll get better. You can’t possibly know that.”

“I do. It will get better because we will _make_ it better. We’ll pick a little thing at a time and work on it until you feel better about it. It might take a long time but that’s fine, we will do it. You say you’re miserable at home, but this is your home, or at least one of them. This is your home and we are your family and we will do everything we can to make you happy and feel safe here. If you want me to come over every morning and help get you motivated for the day, I will. If you want me to stay with you every night to help you get to sleep, I will. I will stick with you whenever you need me.”

“The same goes for us. We all want to help. We’ll take it in turns or whatever you want. We’ll all be here for you. We’ll also give you space when you want it.” Hayama agreed.

Seijuro felt his eyes stinging with tears. They meant it, they really meant it. He wasn’t sure he could believe that the future would be rosy and great but he could believe that they were going to do their best to help him. Was that enough for now? The world wasn’t perfect, it never would be, but he had people around him who truly cared for him and wanted him to be happy. It would be hard work but maybe together they could do it.

“Maybe I could transfer to Rakuzan.” Atsushi mumbled in Seijuro’s ear.

The laugh took Seijuro by surprise as it bubbled out of his throat. He was still squished between Reo and Atsushi, so the laugh came out muffled, but everyone heard it. Everyone heard how honestly happy it was.

“Atsushi, you don’t have to do that. I know you like Yosen.” Seijuro replied, the humour still in his voice despite the threat of tears.

“I like Sei-chin more.” Atsushi replied with a nod.

Something in Seijuro’s chest tightened at Atsushi’s loving words and it was the last straw. Tears started spilling down his cheeks.

“Thank you Atsushi. We’ll… we’ll talk about this later, okay?”

“Mmkay.” Atsushi replied, nuzzling Seijuro’s hair.

“Does this mean you’re willing to try? To let us help you?” Sometime during the talk, Chihiro had moved nearer. He hadn’t joined in the hugging but he was close.

Seijuro nodded. “Yes. I’ll try. I’ll try.”

Seijuro had no idea his words would have such an effect, but suddenly the rest of his team had bundled into the hug and it had become a cuddle pile. It was a little uncomfortable, being squished like that, but it didn’t matter. They cared about him. They really truly cared about him.

“We love you.”

“We all love you.”

Seijuro wasn’t even sure whose voices were saying which words but suddenly everything felt right. It was painful and hard, but it was right. This was where he should be. His friends, at least these ones, did care about him. They did love him.

A hand sneaked between the group and squeezed Seijuro’s. He looked up to see Atsushi smiling at him.

Yes, he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I've loved hearing what you think of the fic and I hope you like the final chapter too!
> 
> For those who are interested, the first chapter of the Beyond the Waiting Room sequel should be up this weekend.


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